If I hear someone say that to me one more time…

The most recent trip home from the hardware store down town had my husband and I daydreaming verbally dreaming of an invention that would make a killing!

This invention would be shaped exactly like a hand-gun water pistol but instead of water, it would shoot magic cones of silence.  These would be noise scream proof but still have an oxygen/breathable membrane as to not suffocate its captive.
This ‘Silence’ pistol would come with an Optional accessory especially coded to the particular pistol that you have purchased, which ‘pops’ the cone/s of silence and only that one tool can be used to free what/whoever you have contained.

I can imagine many husbands would also like to purchase other pistols in this range – perhaps to use on their wives.

Anyway,

You would know upon stepping foot into my house that I am securely into what is called the “Terrible Two’s” phase of my children’s lives.

I shouldn’t say ‘children’s’ lives, I should really say my family’s life.

I shouldn’t say my ‘family’s’ life… I should actually say my household’s life.  My household because it means pets included!

The entire household is affected by two tiny humans.

So when my tiny humans are not happy – neither are the rest of us!  Pets included!

When I was going through the first 12 months of my children’s life, I would go on to websites and read about their development and what to expect.

I would read into what to expect in the next month’s just to prepare myself mentally for what I have to do or how I have to be as a mum.  I say ‘prepare myself’ because anything I would have to go through, I would have to do it at double the intensity and on my own most times with hubby out of the country working. Twins!

No amount of research or reading can prepare you for that which is the “Terrible Two’s”.  All you can do is best understand why Toddlers behave the way they do and get a hold of your inner patience sanity.  Learn to breathe through it and know that it wont last forever!

What infuriates me just as much as my children’s tantrums are people who tell me not to wish their ‘terrible two’ phase away.  People who say, ‘No, don’t wish them to be older, they are only young for so long’, ‘don’t wish the to grow up too fast, it will be all gone in a blink’.

These people, though they mean well, can go suck my balls! Can go stand way over there! >>>>>>

Getting from A to B in public during a fit of epic proportions is not fun!  I do not skip delightfully next to my children down the street in a floral knee length dress paired with a white ladies summer hat and delicate sandels that envelope my perfectly manicured toes, while they partake in a blood curdling verbal death match.

No.

I slowly inch my way, stopping and starting, stopping and starting, in my Oversized Sunglasses, equally oversized shirt and plain black tights (obviously for comfort), sipping my much needed extra shot latte, pleading with my inner thoughts to just focus on getting to the car without throwing F’bombs that will echo through the shopping complex and/or losing my rag and storming off without them.  Neither of these two scenarios would ever happen,  I actually do love my two little grenades, but frick my mind wanders!

So no, I will not have this guy, that lady and the other tell me one more time to relax and go with it because soon enough it will all be over.  No.  I will be pissed and angry and frustrated and exhausted and embarrassed in the moment because I, I am the one dealing with it right now, right at the minute!  I am entitled to do and say what ever the hell I want, because it is my kids that are putting on the death by screaming Mardi Gras.  (In all honesty I actually do ok… On the outside ha!)
I am entitled to feel and think how ever I want!

So until my little wee bundles of joy learn fully of consequence, patience, better understanding and control of emotion, I will chose to feel, say and do whatever I want!

I recall back to my own childhood where my mother would confidently grab me by ear and guide me very persuasively to the car while verbalising whatever curse word came to mind.
This being very acceptable back in the day… I think I turned out alright…

Good luck with your little rays of sunshine,

We are all in this together!

Jay 🙂

My daughter – The “Thrower of all the things”

Recent studies have shown that if dressed in nothing but a nappy my children are likely to eat more of their dinner.  Furthermore if allowed to swap bowls half way through dinner time they are likely to consume the contents of their dinner bowls in its entirety.
True Story, well at my house tonight it was.

But that is not what this post is about, see that little girl pictured below, she is my Daughter and now carries the new nick name “Thrower of all the things”!

It is funny how children are created in such a way that their cuteness saves them from being shipped off to a little island until such a time that they have developed manners and acceptable public behavior.
Alas this is not how life works.  See here in the picture below.  This is Dylan now attempting to throw the millionth item in just under a half hour upon arriving at playgroup this morning.

Like many children at this age, they are often compared to such natural disasters as cyclones or tornado’s, or in the world of multiple… twinado’s!
This is exactly what she was today and I am fortunate enough to be spared of the twin tornado, her brother a complete opposite of her most times will just sit quietly playing contently with a few hot wheels.

I am also grateful to be spared of the high-pitched dog-whistle like squeals that she is now competently experienced at.  Instead she will just work her way from one activity to the next grabbing fistfuls of whatever and lobbing it high in the air before moving on to the next item that catches her eye.  I hear a remark from another mum talking to her son of a younger age “We don’t throw things like that {insert child’s name} please play with it nicely”  after the boy had just seen Dylan whirl winding through toys at hyper active speed.  I can’t help but feel this (bitchy) remark was semi-aimed at how I need to deal with my child.  The mother of just one pre-toddler child has much to learn!  I shrugged it off, I don’t have time for haters!

The amount of No’s, Stop!!, That’s not very nice, Give it to me please’s that I uttered unsuccessfully this morning had little if not none of the desired effect.  We say these things hoping to god that by some miracle our child will magically right themselves and out from the top of their heads will then shine a beautiful ray of light depicting a halo rising from the depths of the child’s new found reason.
Dreams are free, Sigh!

There is not enough “At their level play”, Good nutritious food or Super Nanny lecturing that will save me from her shrieks.  Not that it happens as often as this post may suggest, but when it does my heart sinks into my stomach right before a mighty self-soothing breath is taken.
There is no giant thermometer shaped gauge slightly to the left of her head displaying exactly how much attention/ or whatever it may be, she will require to ensure the gauge is not depleted to levels resulting in the dreaded temper tantrum.  It all just arrives on its own accord and most likely “Just because”.

A combination of the right levels of food, attention, rest, entertainment and learning activity is the only way to keep the tantrum at bey.  In my case times this by two, and then minus the dad for half a year, then go ahead and minus the amount of funds required for sanity saving childcare, then minus the amount of flexible family support… and you will get one tired, un-run, endless to-do listed, ‘fighting off the glass(es) of wine’ feeling, happy but exhausted mama!

I have probably exaggerated more than my fair share here seeing as my children sleep 13-15 hours a day and observe routine well, but I guess 4 playgroups a week, umpteenth viewings of Toy Story 1,2 and 3 and the endless laundry and dirty dishes pile, will do that to you.

So now I sit here indulging in the one treat I have allowed myself for the day (MyFitnessPal’er) – Pumpkin, Carrot and Raisin muffin, with BUTTER!!  A cuppa and maybe last nights viewing of the newest spine tingling gripping TV drama, Freeview recorders are a beautiful thing!

Recipe in the next post – Totes amaze if you are into that kind of thing.
Roll on tomorrow, morning playgroup, two appointments and Hump Day (if you get an actual weekend)

P.S. I got shat on today…literally haha  Lord help me!

🙂